# All hail Yao Ming!



## Yao Mania (Aug 4, 2003)

Just dropping by my old home to say hi, and to share with everyone one of the greatest reads I've ever come across:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/yao_ming?utm_source=a-section



> Yao Ming officially averages 84 points per basketball game and has a shooting percentage of .9999998, Chinese basketball officials said. Furthermore, Yao Ming is perfectly healthy and, in fact, cannot be injured. Yao Ming is also a universally acknowledged beacon of humility and respect, and on the exceedingly rare occasion when he does miss a shot, he no doubt does so on purpose, selflessly ensuring that his lesser American teammates feel better about their own lackluster shooting percentages.





> "Like every professional basketball player, I grew up watching and idolizing Yao Ming," former Chicago Bulls player Michael Jordan has surely said. "His play reminds me of the ancient Cao Cao poem, 'Walking From Xiamen And Looking At The Blue Sea.' The poem ends, 'The path of the sun and moon, seems to come from within. / The splendid Milky Way, seems to come from inside. / Oh, I am so lucky, to be singing my song!'"
> 
> "To me, the poem means that Yao Ming's excellent play spans the entire universe and radiates such sheer beauty that mere mortals will never be able to comprehend it," Jordan would certainly add. "We are lucky to be able to experience the magnificent play of Yao Ming in our lifetime. I now admit that I retired because I feared facing him in competition."





> "If I were a smart man instead of an egotistical, stupid man, incapable of putting the success of the whole before my own selfish needs, I would always pass the ball to Yao," disgraceful, and genuinely injured, teammate Tracy McGrady must tell reporters. "I am simply someone who is unable to genuflect before those who have more ability than myself. And for this, I will die a lonely and pathetic death."


The joke is that The Onion has been recently acquired by a Chinese fishery technology company in Sichuan, China, so all the parody news articles are now pro-China. Hilarious.


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## R-Star (Jun 13, 2002)

You seem like you're living the life when I see your pictures on Facebook Ted. Get me a some sort of job working with you guys. I'll be the token white guy of the group.


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## Chan Ho Nam (Jan 9, 2007)

i'm baked and it's still not funny


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## Pimped Out (May 4, 2005)

R-Star said:


> You seem like you're living the life when I see your pictures on Facebook Ted. Get me a some sort of job working with you guys. I'll be the token white guy of the group.


If R-Star moves to Hong Kong, can I take over R-Star's old life in Canada of drinking, dressing up dogs in hats, and having sex with R-Star's wife?


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## R-Star (Jun 13, 2002)

Pimped Out said:


> If R-Star moves to Hong Kong, can I take over R-Star's old life in Canada of drinking, dressing up dogs in hats, and having sex with R-Star's wife?


You have to pay for my flight or something then. We have to make it fair.


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## Pimped Out (May 4, 2005)

R-Star said:


> You have to pay for my flight or something then. We have to make it fair.


i can give you one of my asian friends to help translate and stuff


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## Yao Mania (Aug 4, 2003)

I'm actually in the communist capital now, where youtube, twitter, and facebook are all blocked (without the help of a proxy server). We have a few token white guys already, but I think you can out-drink them all combined with room to spare. And forget PO, let's just do a trade straight-up for 1 year - wife must be included.


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## Dean the Master (Feb 19, 2006)

I see Yao Mania is hooking up everybody for a job eh?


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## Pimped Out (May 4, 2005)

Yao Mania said:


> I'm actually in the communist capital now, where youtube, twitter, and facebook are all blocked (without the help of a proxy server). We have a few token white guys already, but I think you can out-drink them all combined with room to spare. And forget PO, let's just do a trade straight-up for 1 year - wife must be included.


screw you


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## Pimped Out (May 4, 2005)

stupid canadians and canadian-asians conspiring against me.


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## Pimped Out (May 4, 2005)

i hate you guys


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## ATLien (Jun 18, 2002)

who is Ted?


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