# It appears I owe an explaination



## sunsaz (Apr 18, 2005)

Apparently, my conduct and emotions, via my posts and comments, over the past few days has irritated, confused, and in some cases angered some of the board's users. In another controversial move, I cannot offer an apollogy for my comments because what I speak is the truth from my heart. The best I can do is offer an explaination as to who I am and why I act the way I do, at least toward the Suns.

In 1993, I didn't have a care in the world about pro sports. I was just a 12 year old trying to deal with social depravity and a lack of friends. My parents, however, have been big Suns fans since their 1976 Finals run. So needless to say, there was a jubulant chaos around my house in May of 1993.

Upon the Suns' entry into the Finals, my parents took me to Phoenix and my first NBA game: Game 2 of the Finals. From the colors of the lights to the sounds of the arena, it's one of the few events in my 24 years that I can remember vividly. We lost that night, but I feel that I had won because I finally found something in my life that gave me some kind of direction. I vowed to cheer for the Suns that day forward.

When the series shifted back to Phoenix for Game 6, myself and my family followed suit. However, I had to watch the game from our hotel room b/c they could only manage two tickets. It was there where I watched my newly built utopia come crumbling down with one three pointer with 3.9 seconds to go in the game. For at least two hours after that, I said nothing and did not move. It was the closest thing to death I have ever felt.

Going back to Memphis without victory, I was tormented and teased for months because of my allegance to the Suns. When you're around the begining of your teenage years, things like that tend to stick with you for a long time. My teenage years were met with more of the same. The medication my parents put me on did little to ease the constant scarrings of my social life. The biggest casualty came in 1995 when Mario Ellie eliminated the Suns in similar fashion. After that game, believing my viewing had caused them to lose, I vowed never to watch a Suns game on television again until they win the title, a vow I have kept to this day.

I believe the only way I can be relieved of this anguish is for the Suns to win the NBA Title. Opportunities to do this only come around once in a blue moon while title shots for the Spurs or the Lakers are a dime a dozen. I'm 24 years old and I'm still living the fears and torments of a pre-adolecent. I've seen everything and felt everything I believe there is to feel in life up to this point. And I just can't move out of 1993 until an NBA Championship banner is hanging in America West Arena.

Well, that's my story straight from my heart. Judge me as you will.

We will win this series.


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## Kekai (Jan 12, 2005)

:greatjob: 

Nice story.


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## G-Force (Jan 4, 2005)

Thank you for courageously sharing your story with us. We better understand each other when we know more about each other. You are more than welcome here in the Suns forum.

G-Force


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## sunsaz (Apr 18, 2005)

G-Force said:


> Thank you for courageously sharing your story with us. We better understand each other when we know more about each other. You are more than welcome here in the Suns forum.
> 
> G-Force


Thanks. For awhile, I figured I was on the verge of being banned just for being who I am.

We will win this series.


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## PHXSPORTS4LIFE (May 8, 2003)

dude, i die with every suns game, but you have got to grow up a bit in this regard and recognize that it is just that, a game. you have to for your own good. i'm not criticizing you, i think you need help. to invest so much of your self-value in a team that you have direct impact upon is scary and evidence of severe co-dependency.

i had to learn around your age to fine some perspective with the games. i was 24 during the suns' '93 run. i punched a hole in the wall of my house. i broke othella harrington's dorm room window (by kicking a basketball - and yeah, othella wasn't happy), at a finals party my girlfriend was asking friends of mine for a ride home b/c she was so frightened at my outbursts. in the end we lost. i was crushed. but with time and perspective i realized, there was nothing i could do about it. i'm still bummed at losses. and will discuss them for decades with my two brothers and play the "what if" games. but i won't let it control me as i did then. and you have to get past that too.


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## Free Arsenal (Nov 8, 2004)

Good luck getting over those emotional scars.


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## WSU151 (Mar 13, 2005)

Do you ever go outside?? Do you have any friends?? Seriously. You're missing a great world if all you worry about happened in the early 90s. Call me a jerk if you want to, but that just shows how much help you really need.


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## Delontes Herpes (May 11, 2005)

I understand where you're coming from, but you really should reconsider that vow. You're really depriving yourself as a sports fan.

To put things in perspective, I'm a Red Sox fan. I've been watching them on TV since I could remember. I'm only 19 so I didn't experience a lot of the agony that older Sox fans have. Yet at the same time, it was very tough. Every year I would follow them closely, and for the past 7 years (ever since they signed pedro) it seems like someone was always picking them to win it all preseason. And every season the team would be good but end up in 2nd place to the yankees (literally, every single year when pedro was on the sox the yankees won the AL east and the sox finished 2nd). They would either miss the playoffs or fizzle out early as the WC. After game 7 of the 2003 ALCS, I woke up and bawled my eyes out more than i ever had in my life. I'm not much of a crier but I just couldn't help it, it was too painful. In 2004 I thought it might actually be our year (again). We went down 3-0 to the yankees in the ALCS and I was feeling really low. then we won game 4. and game 5. and game 6. and before i knew it, we completed the greatest comeback in MLB history against the hated yankees. and then we swept the cardinals and i couldn't believe it we were world champs. it was absolutely amazing.

i guess my whole point of the story is- if at a young age i had decided that i was responsible for the red sox losing in the playoffs and vowed to never watch them again until they won it all, it wouldn't have even been comparable. the most joyous moment of my life just wouldn't have been the same. the emotional highs are only that much sweeter after experiencing the lows.

you should seriously consider watching game 3. this years suns team is damn good and they are very enjoyable to watch. they may not win, but you know it's not your fault if they don't. just watch your boys play and enjoy it.


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## Delontes Herpes (May 11, 2005)

one more thing- it's good to keep personal promises if it's to maintain a set of morals, to not make a mistake that you or others close to you in the past have made, etc. but to not watch your favorite sports team play on TV is silly. you made that promise to yourself when you were 14. It probably made sense then and I would understand why you would want to keep a promise to yourself but you're a grown man now, you shouldn't be committed to decisions you made when you were a boy.


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## ChristopherJ (Aug 10, 2004)

You need some counselling I think. To rely that much on a sports team is extremely unhealthy. Don't be too upset if the Suns lose, it's just a game in the end.


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## sunsaz (Apr 18, 2005)

I don't really think I can afford help at this point in my life for several reasons. First off, I'm a single twenty-something with an entry level job. There's no way I could financially afford anything like that. Second of all, I'm the principle caretaker of my home. I have to work, pay the bills, and keep the house clean. (well, two out of three isn't bad) I work 6, somethimes 7, days a week. I barely even have time for my car and dentist appointments and even those are pushed back by several months. I just don't have the money or the time for help. Besides, if no one I already know in Memphis can understand my dilemma, how could an expert I don't know do any better?

I have no choice. It's too late for me.


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## jibikao (Nov 14, 2004)

KidCanada said:


> You need some counselling I think. To rely that much on a sports team is extremely unhealthy. Don't be too upset if the Suns lose, it's just a game in the end.


I am trying to adapt to your thinking now. I let games get to me very easily. lol 

I am at work and I've been replying messages for hours now. God, what a waste of time... lol 


But I am sure I'll get over it after my Suns won the championship.


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## xray (Feb 21, 2005)

sunsaz said:


> I don't really think I can afford help at this point in my life for several reasons. First off, I'm a single twenty-something with an entry level job. There's no way I could financially afford anything like that. Second of all, I'm the principle caretaker of my home. I have to work, pay the bills, and keep the house clean. (well, two out of three isn't bad) I work 6, somethimes 7, days a week. I barely even have time for my car and dentist appointments and even those are pushed back by several months. I just don't have the money or the time for help. Besides, if no one I already know in Memphis can understand my dilemma, how could an expert I don't know do any better?
> 
> I have no choice. It's too late for me.


Hey bud, listen. 

When I was your age, my Mavs were the laughing stock of sports. Like you, I had a 65-70 hour a week slave contract, no money and barely enough life to get out of bed. The only thing I saw in the future was the past. 

That's a no-no. You limit yourself by doing that.

It sounds corny, but since this is BBB, I'll just say you're limiting your emotional growth by not opening your heart to the one you say you love. You're less of a person if you don't allow yourself to experience joy and pain; and besides, if it hurts too badly, you can always turn the volume down. :greatjob:


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## PHXSPORTS4LIFE (May 8, 2003)

sunsaz said:


> I have no choice. It's too late for me.



i know i do not know you. but as a human being i have a great deal of compassion for you. obviously what's going on with you runs much deeper than mere basketball fixation. but don't give up so easily. life has so much to offer. so many little things that can be big things if you open up your mind to them. you never know where you might find your bliss. look at everything as you walk down a street. get outta the house. that's a must. no matter what time you have, take it and do something with it.

as for counselling - you may be able to get some pro-bono (free) help. look into it with local religious organizations. the counseling is usually religion-free, so you don't even usually have to be of that religion to take advantage of the free counseling. but do something man. to be so distraught at the age of 24 is a shame. good luck to you.


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## G-Force (Jan 4, 2005)

sunsaz,

You are getiing some pretty good advice from alot of people here. I join them in saying that you do not have to be stuck in your current situation. Your life *can* change. You have shared your story with all of us here in the Suns forum. I encourage you to venture out and share that same story with people who can help you. There is free counseling available out there. Your life has great potential to be so much better than it is now.

G-Force


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## Lethal Vertical (May 9, 2003)

ha. Didn't see this thread before my post in the other thread...

Ah well, it can stay. 

Fool could be a bit harsh....it's just I think making blanket statements like you did, reptitively, well tis easy to see why others were annoyed. 

At the end of the day, ah, its only a game. 

Lethal


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## jibikao (Nov 14, 2004)

Addiction is the hardest thing to fight in life. 

Addiction to drugs. 

Addiction to hobbies like video games (me!!)

Addiction to sex is also another big problem. 


Dude, you are only 20 something (like me). You CAN do something about it if you want. At this time of my life, I still deny to FOCUS what's important in my life. Let's be honest here, I could have spent 5 hours on my business instead of spending 5 hours on typing messages here. Which is more productive? lol 

It's really a matter of CHOICE (not in regard to homosexuality, some of them have no choice). I choose to be like a kid who refuses to grow up and get serious about his work. I own several websites myself but I KNOW I can do better if I put my hearts to it. Right now.. I ain't got no HEART. Just basketball and video games and sex... and it's quite pathetic, as you can see. It's 12:00am and I am STILL here typing the damn messages. LOL 

This is internet life for ya. More internet life means less REAL life. When you have become soooooooooo attached to the internet life, you will realize one day that you've been MISSING a lot of REAL good life. It is often the sudden realization of "reality" that puts you in depression mood. You are depressed because you THOUGHT you had a good life (internet life) but in reality, you seldom have contacts with REAL humans and you lose chances to grow. The best example is how some people think they've made a lot of "good" friends online but just typing messages to each other hardly tells you what this person REALLY is. 


That's all my advice I can give you. 

You CAN choose.


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## Sir Patchwork (Jan 12, 2005)

I'm probably the only one who doesn't for a second believe these things. If they are true, you have the least perspective of anyone I've ever encountered in any form. Grow some skin, get some perspective.


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## sunsaz (Apr 18, 2005)

Sir Patchwork said:


> I'm probably the only one who doesn't for a second believe these things. If they are true, you have the least perspective of anyone I've ever encountered in any form. Grow some skin, get some perspective.


That's easy for you to say b/c you haven't been here where I am.


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## Dissonance (Jul 21, 2004)

No one will catch me posting about my life. It defines the word pathetic.


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## jibikao (Nov 14, 2004)

dissonance19 said:


> No one will catch me posting about my life. It defines the word pathetic.



How pathetic? lol


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## xray (Feb 21, 2005)

sunsaz said:


> That's easy for you to say b/c you haven't been here where I am.


But many have - and lived to tell about it. Isolation is an enemy; it's how sheep get eaten, you know :raised_ey . *The wolf waits for one to stray from the herd, because the lonely are vulnerable. * 

The One who's been there is God, that's a fact; but practically, get with people if possible. Join a gym, a class, take a course. No time for things like that? It makes it harder, but not impossible. Keep active, even if it means biking at night, for example. Your mind can be your enemy, so keep it busy. Don't give it time to get you down. :sfight: 

Your situation is different than some, but don't lie to yourself and think that no one else is going through very similar circumstances. :bsmile:


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## xray (Feb 21, 2005)

Sir Patchwork said:


> I'm probably the only one who doesn't for a second believe these things. If they are true, you have the least perspective of anyone I've ever encountered in any form. Grow some skin, get some perspective.


I presume that life has never backed you into a corner. By that, I mean desperation. If so, consider yourself blessed. :greatjob: 

You see teams down in the fourth, facing elimination. Notice how some accept the inevitable, and a few simply will not go down without a fight? 
That has absolutely nothing to do with this thread. Just thought I'd throw in an HSO.


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## FreeMason Jr. (Jul 12, 2004)

Sir Patchwork said:


> I'm probably the only one who doesn't for a second believe these things. If they are true, you have the least perspective of anyone I've ever encountered in any form. Grow some skin, get some perspective.


Ditto. He's either making excuses or needs some serious help, but then again, to lie about something like this means you need help.


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## Kekai (Jan 12, 2005)

Lets stop the hating guys.


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## FreeMason Jr. (Jul 12, 2004)

Kekai23 said:


> Lets stop the hating guys.


Sorry. My post wasn't suppose to come off as mean as I guess it did.


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## PHXSPORTS4LIFE (May 8, 2003)

dissonance19 said:


> No one will catch me posting about my life. It defines the word pathetic.



your life defines the word pathetic or posting about it defines the word pathetic? if you meant the latter you're just making gutless internet comments. if you meant the former, do something about it.


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## xray (Feb 21, 2005)

PHXSPORTS4LIFE said:


> your life defines the word pathetic or posting about it defines the word pathetic? if you meant the latter you're just making gutless internet comments. if you meant the former, do something about it.


I knew Dissonance wouldn't get away with such a flippant comment; one can say something and let it go, but you can't publish something without further interigation.

So, Dis - do tell !!! :whaasup:


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## Sir Patchwork (Jan 12, 2005)

bray1967 said:


> I presume that life has never backed you into a corner. By that, I mean desperation. If so, consider yourself blessed. :greatjob:


This is where the perspective comes in. Basketball is just a game, regardless of how much time we all spend watching and following it. There is so much more to life than that. Hell, 99.9% of players don't even go that hard on themselves when their team loses, and they have direct impact on the game. So when a fan is seriously down for many years because of his favorite team, and refuses to even watch the team in fear that him watching directly correlates to the team losing, is just extremely unhealthy and strange. There is very little perspective at all. Root for the team, live life. You have no relation to the team. When they lose it's not your fault, when they win, it's not because of you.


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## xray (Feb 21, 2005)

Sir Patchwork said:


> This is where the perspective comes in. Basketball is just a game, regardless of how much time we all spend watching and following it. There is so much more to life than that. Hell, 99.9% of players don't even go that hard on themselves when their team loses, and they have direct impact on the game. So when a fan is seriously down for many years because of his favorite team, and refuses to even watch the team in fear that him watching directly correlates to the team losing, is just extremely unhealthy and strange. There is very little perspective at all. Root for the team, live life. You have no relation to the team. When they lose it's not your fault, when they win, it's not because of you.


Good points.

The tie-in between sports and real life is manifested in bizarre ways (as this thread displays); yet it cannot be denied that society draws not only inspiration, but correlates its team's performance with its own abilities.

Case in point: During a four year period in the early '90s, the Cowboys won 3 of 4 Super Bowls. The economy in Dallas-Ft Worth showed gains directly reflected in those 3 years. The one year, '94, dropped off as if the Forty Niners themselves had effected the leading economic indicators. The boom of the late '90s could not help DFW; the Cowboys had fallen.

Sad as it is, we find it easier to go to work the morning after a big win (if the hangover doesn't hold you back :grinning: ), and we must remind ourselves after a stunning loss that "it's just a game". Armchair quarterbacking, and coaching, is to many a full time job; competition runs in our veins, and if I can't do it - damn it - my team can, and will. If they fail, I'll tell you why they did and how to fix it.

Isn't that why this board exists ?


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## GNG (Aug 17, 2002)

Sir Patchwork said:


> I'm probably the only one who doesn't for a second believe these things. If they are true, you have the least perspective of anyone I've ever encountered in any form. Grow some skin, get some perspective.


I trust the first post in this thread about as far as I can throw _you_, Patch.

Seems pretty far-fetched, and if it isn't, then the guy needs to leave the house.

I don't really care what your backstory is. If you can't follow the rules of the site, then you don't need to be here.


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## sunsaz (Apr 18, 2005)

Rawse said:


> I don't really care what your backstory is. If you can't follow the rules of the site, then you don't need to be here.


I'm not questioning the rules of this forum. I'm simply giving the reason as to why I act this way.

Besides, truth is stranger than fiction.


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