# We so totally need a fat guy



## Sham (Dec 2, 2002)

Please excuse the fact that I typed that title like a stuck up teenage cow at a sweet 16 party. I started using the Americanism "totally" for a laugh and now can't seem to free myself of it. Anyway, that's not important.


Ever since I've supported the Bulls - which began vaguely in late 2000 but only of substance for the start of the 2001 season - there's been a fat guy on the team every time.

You shouldn't need reminding of who, but, just for fun........






























(it was mainly strength, but he was fat for a time)


And, of course, the trendsetter:













Now, going into this offseason, I was a bit worried. P.J. Brown, Michael Sweetney and Martynas Andriuscabbages are all free agents, and unlikely to return.

The problem isn't basketball related, but one of humour. We're faced with losing the really old guy, the really fat guy, and the pre-op diplodocus.

This doesn't leave much scope for humour - aside from the rather unfair but often used alcohol jokes about Duhon, and the not very funny jokes about Gordon being short, there's nothing really cooking.



Now the draft has gone a long ways to rectify this. In it, we got a new big white stiff, a new flat out strange looking guy, and someone we can make legitimate pot jokes about. Additionally, the really old man jokes can be passed onto Ben Wallace, who isn't nearly as old or done, but whom tends to come out creaky as all hell sometimes (as opposed to PJ's "every time").

However, it still lacks a fatty. And this is somethign that needs rectifying.



Maybe they could bring back Sweetney. Or maybe they could fatten up Griffin for Christmas. But both are unlikely.

So scan your free agents lists and work on trades. We need a fat guy. We just do. Don't ask me why, for there's no real reason for it. But if we don't get a guy of this ilk, we will regret it all year. I said this last year about small shot chucking guards and was largely correct, so please trust me on this. We need someone to laugh at.



Get 'er dun Pax.


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## Snake (Jun 10, 2007)

After Curry and Sweetney I think the Bulls have filled their fat guy quota for about the next decade.


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## Sham (Dec 2, 2002)

Perhaps, but why stop there? Someone make up some Jerome James trades.

Heh, I've just noticed that Sweetney's head is smaller than his breast. I guess being that fat has its advantages.


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## Snake (Jun 10, 2007)

Perhaps they could develop a fat guy from within the organization. I think Duhon has some potential.


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## kulaz3000 (May 3, 2006)

Marcus was never fat. That guy was always fit and muscular. If you want to consider someone like Marcus fat you may as well call Elton Brand fat..

Who else remains as a fat player these days? Big baby? Not many fat players in the league i can think of right now, besides Sweets and Curry. Sweets and Curry? How ironic, both are very fatty foods.


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## Sham (Dec 2, 2002)

Like I said, Fizer was fat for a while, after the whole offseason gun and depression thing. That's why Cartwwright benched him for Baxter. Then again, Baxter wasn't too trim himself.


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## Electric Slim (Jul 31, 2002)

Snake said:


> After Curry and Sweetney I think the Bulls have filled their fat guy quota for about the next decade.


_"Organizations don't win championships. Fat guys do"._


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## anorexorcist (Aug 3, 2005)

sweets has a QO for this year. i hope he comes back


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## Smithian (Apr 3, 2006)

I volunteer.


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## BenDavis503 (Apr 11, 2007)

You guys are hopeless


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## GNG (Aug 17, 2002)

Sham said:


> Please excuse the fact that I typed that title like a stuck up teenage cow at a sweet 16 party. I started using the Americanism "totally" for a laugh and now can't seem to free myself of it. Anyway, that's not important.
> 
> 
> Ever since I've supported the Bulls - which began vaguely in late 2000 but only of substance for the start of the 2001 season - there's been a fat guy on the team every time.
> ...


We can trade you Stromile Swift. Then you can have the option of dumb jokes and/or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle jokes.


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## HB (May 1, 2004)

Hilarious thread title


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## dougthonus (Jul 18, 2006)

Damn, and we missed big baby davis in the draft.

Though to be honest, I don't know why you're sleeping on Aaron Gray in this role.


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## TomBoerwinkle#1 (Jul 31, 2002)

In other news, The Sky* totally need a fat chick...














_*On information and belief, "The Sky" is one of those WNBA teams..._


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## such sweet thunder (May 30, 2002)

Sham,

Aren't we being a tad ungrateful. For god sakes -- we just drafted a 'player' who's half-Prince-half-amazing. 

I feel like we've just been given a gift.

Peace.

SST


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## Sham (Dec 2, 2002)

I can't look at my own thread any more, now with that picture above. Seriously.


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## ¹²³ (Jan 8, 2003)




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## transplant (Jul 31, 2002)

¹²³ said:


>


I'd dearly like to give a clever or at least intelligent response to this post, but all I can come up with is YIKES!


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## ChadWick (Jun 26, 2006)

Sham said:


> Heh, I've just noticed that Sweetney's head is smaller than his breast. I guess being that fat has its advantages.



HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


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## ChadWick (Jun 26, 2006)

¹²³ said:


>



Big Booty Judy


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## jnrjr79 (Apr 18, 2003)

I can think of a number of good candidates.


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## dsouljah9 (Jul 9, 2002)

¹²³ said:


>


_I wonder how they wipe those doodoo makers :thinking2: _


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## roux (Jun 20, 2006)

I think tractor traylor is out there, he set the precident to be a big fat *** top 10 pick bust well before sweetney did.


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## Wynn (Jun 3, 2002)

Is Shawn Kemp still trying to make it back to the league?


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