# OT: You may now ask theWanker a question.



## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

I have decided to deliver the answer to every question you need know on this thread. Please, one question per post, as I have much time but little effort.


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## Goldmember (May 24, 2003)

A man leaves home. He makes 3 left turns. When he gets back, there are two men there wearing masks. Who are these two men?


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## Blazer Ringbearer (Jan 28, 2003)

Why is Hitler?


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## Jamel Irief (May 19, 2002)

If you were going to market a Kobe signature product what would you have Kobe doing in the ad?


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## jackiejackal (Nov 7, 2002)

*what has been your biggest disappointment as a fan?*

Mine was :
The 2000 Portland Trailblazers not winning the title.
They were such a good team and were such a blast to watch
all year.

They were the best team in the NBA ,and to lose it after being
so close...oh well.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Goldmember</b>!
> A man leaves home. He makes 3 left turns. When he gets back, there are two men there wearing masks. Who are these two men?


Drug enforcement officers from West Linn acting on probable cause. Or perhaps an umpire and a catcher.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Blazer Ringbearer</b>!
> Why is Hitler?



Why isn't?


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## Blazer Ringbearer (Jan 28, 2003)

Indeed! Good show!


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Jemel Irief</b>!
> If you were going to market a Kobe signature product what would you have Kobe doing in the ad?


The Men's Wearhouse. He could demonstrate the necessity of large coat tails.


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## loyalty4life (Sep 17, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> 
> 
> The Men's Wearhouse. He could demonstrate the necessity of large coat tails.


:laugh: :rofl:


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## ABM (Dec 30, 2002)

(sorry) OK, a three-part question:

1) Assuming you were single (yes, I know you're not), if you had a first-time date with a woman, and you were meeting her at, say, a restaurant or lounge, how long would you wait for her to show before admitting you'd been stood-up and leave?

2) Would you call her the next day, or whenever, to see what happened?

3) If you did call her, she gives you (in your opinion) a bogus excuse, but she still wanted to go out with you, would you give her a second chance?


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

*Re: what has been your biggest disappointment as a fan?*



> Originally posted by <b>jackiejackal</b>!
> Mine was :
> The 2000 Portland Trailblazers not winning the title.
> They were such a good team and were such a blast to watch
> ...


the memories of the 2000 playoffs are something of a fog for me, I must admit. oddly enough, as I look back there is a long, empty gap in the months between May 2000 and June 2000, that is only filled with purple Easter Bunnies singing the "Lime in the Coconut" song. 

my biggest frustration as a fan is that those god damned Easter Bunnies couldn't seem to put a god damned egg in a god damned basket for twelve straight minutes.....
Brother bought a coconut, he bought it for a dime 
His sister had another one, she paid it for a lime. 
She put the lime in the coconut, she drank them both up 
She put the lime in the coconut, she drank them both up 
She put the lime in the coconut, she drank them both up 
She put the lime in the coconut, she called the doctor, woke him up, 
And said, "Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take, 
I say, Doctor, to relieve this belly ache? 


um, sorry. what was the question?


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## ABM (Dec 30, 2002)

*Re: Re: what has been your biggest disappointment as a fan?*



> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> 
> 
> Brother bought a coconut, he bought it for a dime
> ...


Nillson(sp?), correct?


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## Minstrel (Dec 31, 2002)

*If* Kobe goes to jail (which none of us want, but key issues need to be examined if this sad thing comes to pass), what would his prison nickname be?


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>ABM</b>!
> (sorry) OK, a three-part question:
> 
> 1) Assuming you were single (yes, I know you're not), if you had a first-time date with a woman, and you were meeting her at, say, a restaurant or lounge, how long would you wait for her to show before admitting you'd been stood-up and leave?
> ...


first off, theWanker does not normally do three part questions. it is against the rules. would you go on Jeopardy and phrase every answer in the form of an answer? i didn't think so. Trebek would have your lunch. 

you come in here on the day of my dog's birthday, though you never have asked me for help before, and you show such disrespect? what have i done to be treated so? [/marlonbrando]

however, given your past background of Blazer party ringleader, theWanker will grant you this request, if only because he suspects that ABM could be of some further use later on. 

1) this has never happened before. back in my day, i would simply show up to her house and wait. when she eventually left, i would follow at a discrete distance. i find that doing so takes much of the suspense out of the date, and is useful in verifying things later.

2) well, if it did happen, i think some sort of an anonymous note would suffice. mention the location of her parents and key relatives and use letters clipped from a newspaper. you'd be surprised how quickly this can get results.

3) of course not. i'm not some kind of desperate nutcase.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

*Re: Re: Re: what has been your biggest disappointment as a fan?*



> Originally posted by <b>ABM</b>!
> Nillson(sp?), correct?


Indeed. Fabulous song.


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## ABM (Dec 30, 2002)

*Re: Re: Re: Re: what has been your biggest disappointment as a fan?*



> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> 
> 
> Indeed. Fabulous song.


As Blazer fans this upcoming season, we might better relate to _Down, To The Bottom, To The Bottom Of A Hole.........._


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## Anima (Jun 3, 2003)

I have six questions of you don't mind.

1- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

2- Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

3- Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

4- If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him - Is he still wrong?

5- If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while your ahead"?! 

6- If they arrest the Energizer bunny would they charge it with battery?


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Minstrel</b>!
> *If* Kobe goes to jail (which none of us want, but key issues need to be examined if this sad thing comes to pass), what would his prison nickname be?


Jelly Buns. 

perhaps best not thought about too much.


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## ABM (Dec 30, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> 
> 
> Jelly Buns.
> ...


At least you didn't say Cobby.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Epadfield</b>!
> 
> I have six questions of you don't mind.


indeed i do. it is as yet unclear to me how useful you may be in the future. as such, i shall make an example by choosing the question which i deem most worthy of exploring. the rest shall be relegated to the pile that includes "Kemp's new diet plan", "Stoudamire's commitment to the Bible" and anything the Iraqi foreign minister said. Amusing but not worth mentioning. 



> 1- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?


Same reaon that the majority of Americans know who Phylis Diller is, but nobody can remember the last significant thing she did. Excellent publicists.


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## Goldmember (May 24, 2003)

Should Pete Rose be in the hall of fame? (watching ESPN 2)


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## jackiejackal (Nov 7, 2002)

*Pete Rose should be in the Hall Of Fame*

But only with a asterisk,explaining the charges against him.


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## Minstrel (Dec 31, 2002)

I have a question and a follow-up question, which ought to be allowed since it's not really a separate question but a follow-up on the first...oh, and by the way, the follow-up question is a three-part follow-up (and the third part involves three inter-related questions). I do not believe this violates the letter or spirit of your rules. Thanks.

*Question:* What is the meaning of life?

*Follow-Up Question:*
Part 1
How do you explain the existence of small, flightless waterfowl?

Part 2
What number am I thinking of?

Part 3
Considering, as we all know, when we die our souls are reincarnated into alien bodies in a far away place known as Cleveland, how does this jibe with concepts like Heaven, Nirvana, or Paradise? Do you really feel Cleveland is any of those things? Plus, do you know a good Japanese restaurant there?


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## Blazer Ringbearer (Jan 28, 2003)

When is right?


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Goldmember</b>!
> Should Pete Rose be in the hall of fame? (watching ESPN 2)


i really don't see why he should be in the hall of fame watching ESPN 2, but if he can do it, more power to him.

actually, if Pete Rose is reading this I'd like him to PM me. i'd like a piece of that HOF too. but only if I can do it watching CNN or the Soap channel instead. I can't stand Bassmasters.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Blazer Ringbearer</b>!
> When is right?


when you skip fans of coattail riding has-beens who tend to make things more difficult than they really ought to be.


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## bintim70 (Dec 31, 2002)

Wanker:
Should I do what the voices tell me and quit taking my prozac, or should I blot them out with a powerfull anti-psychotic? I need to know before the next BBB party.

Bintim:uhoh:


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## s a b a s 11 (Dec 31, 2002)

Dogs like their own butt all the time and never get hepatitis. 

Explain.

Thanking you in advance,
STuart


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>bintim70</b>!
> Wanker:
> Should I do what the voices tell me and quit taking my prozac, or should I blot them out with a powerfull anti-psychotic? I need to know before the next BBB party.
> 
> Bintim:uhoh:


well, the first thing I'd recommend is that you hide those white inflatable banging things that your kid had at the last Blazer game. i swear to god i think he made *me* hear voices for a few hours. old, whispering voices which best remain dormant .

second, try to ignore the voices as best as possible. maybe find a distraction. i recommend a song called "Lime in the coconut," but i think maybe i've talked too much about that. yes, far too much 

anyway, just relax, take what your doctor tells you to, and buy me a beer next time you see me. burn them all


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## yangsta (May 14, 2003)

Why do girls have to poo?


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## blazerfan4life (Dec 31, 2002)

HHHMMMM...having already read all the post and most of the questions have been asked and answered..no sure if i have one...hhhmmm...

OK here is one:

I read that you are married..congrats SUCKER!!!..lol...j/k
and i am sure she is beautiful...but this is my 2 questions

Would you make an ugly girl your wife and
Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost at night:laugh:


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>s a b a s 11</b>!
> Dogs like their own butt all the time and never get hepatitis.
> 
> Explain.
> ...


you're welcome in advance. 

what you are referring to is what i like to call "The Shaquile O'Neal Effect." 

you take a human being who slanders the Chinese, models, homosexuals and the Kings (in the last two cases simultaneously). this represents the unsettling aspect of looking into an anus. 

you then watch him mow through the NBA, violating on a minute-by-minute basis virtually every rule regarding charges, elbowing and contact. this represents "the lick".

now at this point you are thinking to yourself that this just isn't right. but here's the real point of the Shaquile O'Neal effect: IT ONLY MAKES HIM HAPPIER AND MORE SUCCESSFUL. 

yes, much like a dog licking his tuckus for years on end without any negative repurcusions, in fact he recieves a great deal of gratifaction, this man makes more and more money and recieves more and more adulation. there's no sense in it. no reason. no karmic understanding that eventually it'll be put to right. 

it just plain is. 

hope this answers your question. i think i need a shower. i feel unclean.


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## Minstrel (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> 
> when you skip fans of coattail riding has-beens who tend to make things more difficult than they really ought to be.


You punk! You skipped my question.  And didn't even tell me why...just made some strange reference to a Kobe Bryant fan.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

all right. as it will take more effort to wade past your endless posts arguing the merits of your question, i'll consider your question now. give me a minute. this sort of wisdom doesn't come easy to me.


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## Blazer Ringbearer (Jan 28, 2003)

theWanker is a hit!

By the way...

If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is around to hear it, do my farts still stink?


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## Minstrel (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> all right. as it will take more effort to wade past your endless posts arguing the merits of your question, i'll consider your question now. give me a minute. this sort of wisdom doesn't come easy to me.


I'm sensing a little hostility...some ill-considered "Minstrel-bashing"...maybe we could call it "Minstrashing." Whatever we call it, it's ugly.

I think we should all step back (after Wanker answers my question) and remember how much we love Minstrel and get back to that love.


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## Schilly (Dec 30, 2002)

OK guys this is all fuyn and what not, but let's have some taste and not get too off hand.


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## Minstrel (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Schilly</b>!
> OK guys this is all fuyn and what not, but let's have some taste and not get too off hand.


It's okay Schilly...I'm not pressing charges against theWanker. I agree, though...casting aspersions at me, as though I'm some sort of long-winded argumentative type, is not very tasteful.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

*Question:* What is the meaning of life?

*to somehow in some way hook up with the hot babe in your avatar. *

*Follow-Up Question:*
Part 1
How do you explain the existence of small, flightless waterfowl?

*well, they'd look rather silly if they were really large, wouldn't they? *

Part 2
What number am I thinking of?

*--uh............wuh? sorry, i'm still thinking of the number in your avatar.* 

Part 3
Considering, as we all know, when we die our souls are reincarnated into alien bodies in a far away place known as Cleveland, how does this jibe with concepts like Heaven, Nirvana, or Paradise? Do you really feel Cleveland is any of those things? Plus, do you know a good Japanese restaurant there?

*to be honest, i really don't believe there is a Cleveland.*


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Schilly</b>!
> OK guys this is all fuyn and what not, but let's have some taste and not get too off hand.


i think Schilly is right. my mind is a wealth, not a sewer, of knowledge. 

please try to refrain from going too scatological. 

in the interest of regaining a little decorum, I shall convert all current unanswered questions that have vulgar references. anything naughty will be replaced with the word "squeegee."


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>yangsta</b>!
> Why do girls have to SQUEEGEE?


it is something that dates back to the stone age. while men were out killing dinosaurs and gambling at the track, someone had to stay home and make sure the cave had a nice, clean view.


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## Minstrel (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> *Question:* What is the meaning of life?
> 
> *to somehow in some way hook up with the hot babe in your avatar. *


It's Jennifer Lopez. I'll give her your number. Your wife is very cool to be okay with this.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>blazerfan4life</b>!
> I read that you are married..congrats SUCKER!!!..lol...j/k
> and i am sure she is beautiful...but this is my 2 questions
> 
> Would you make an ugly girl your wife and


eight years ago, i'd have married the nastiest looking hag you can imagine. those were some lean years there. luckily, i pulled through and have a total babe now. 

but even if she weren't a total babe, we could probably afford a face lift for her. 




> Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost at night:laugh:


ah, a common misunderstanding. you see, chewing gum actually has far more flavor when you put it in your mouth. most manufacturers don't recommend licking it off a bed post.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Minstrel</b>!
> 
> 
> It's Jennifer Lopez. I'll give her your number. Your wife is very cool to be okay with this.


well, she *IS* European, which means she's very open about these things.

however, she also is English, which means she'll worry the whole time whether she offered too much or not enough tea. 

maybe i should just pass.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

well, i've had some fun imparting all this wisdom on you. i grow weary now, and need to go watch the Simpsons. i'm gone for the weekend, so until Monday try to think for yourselves.


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## s a b a s 11 (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> and recieves more and more adulation...


Is this why I applaude her when she does it?

Wow, you answered two questions without even knowing it.

I am in both shock and awe of your wisdom.

Stuart


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

sorry, nearly missed yours BR-



> Originally posted by <b>Blazer Ringbearer</b>!
> If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is around to hear it, do my squeegees still stink?


only if it falls on your windshield, in which case yes, it will be virtually useless.


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## bintim70 (Dec 31, 2002)

I believe I now see why this is such a tight group..............BBB is the glue that holds us together...........because it appears to me that most of us have become UNGLUED on our own. Thank you Wanker for allowing us to avail of your wisdom.:meditate: Lime in de coconut was a life saver for me ..... the voices are gone, except for that one singing that STUPID song..............and I don't like that stupid song, so now I need to take something else to quiet that down and that makes me.................oops....now what Wanker?:fire: BURN THEM ALL


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## ABM (Dec 30, 2002)

What agency or person(s) is responsible for naming the hurricanes?


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## blazerfan4life (Dec 31, 2002)

WOW..Wank..thanks for the answers to my questions...i may now 
go through life..knowing a beacon of wisdom..like yourself...
is here to answer any and all my questions...I bow at your feet...

Dude clip those nails....:laugh:


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

after a brief respite that included a war in Iraq, the trading of Rasheed and Bonzi, and a personal change in anti-bacterial soap, I've decided to open up shop again for a limited time only. act now while the rates are low. 

now, on to old business....


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>s a b a s 11</b>!
> Is this why I applaude her when she does it?


perhaps. or it could be that you merely rate certain forms of hygiene over others.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>bintim70</b>!
> I believe I now see why this is such a tight group..............BBB is the glue that holds us together...........because it appears to me that most of us have become UNGLUED on our own. Thank you Wanker for allowing us to avail of your wisdom.:meditate: Lime in de coconut was a life saver for me ..... the voices are gone, except for that one singing that STUPID song..............and I don't like that stupid song, so now I need to take something else to quiet that down and that makes me.................oops....now what Wanker?:fire: BURN THEM ALL


if this is still an issue, perhaps try the "Ma-nah-ma-nah" song from the Muppets. it will completely redefine everything.


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## ABM (Dec 30, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> 
> 
> perhaps. or it could be that you merely rate certain forms of hygiene over others.


I was wondering if you were ever going to get around to answering my question, above?


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## el_Diablo (May 15, 2003)

what ...... is the capital of assyria?


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>ABM</b>!
> What agency or person(s) is responsible for naming the hurricanes?


the National Weather Service gets its names the same way that nutcase from The Jerk did it: randomly picking from the phone book. however, in the interest of sexing things up a bit I understand they are going to start using names of stars whose names are synonymous with disaster. 

Next up, I believe, is Hurricane Latoya.


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## Minstrel (Dec 31, 2002)

What kind of ego moves a person to create an "Ask me silly questions" thread just to get cheap attention and what kind of fools indulge him?

Oh, and a follow-up: If Einstein was correct in believing that time was simply a human construct with no true basis in reality, how can we transcend time and what would that be like? Really cold?


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## ABM (Dec 30, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> 
> .....in the interest of sexing things up a bit I understand they are going to start using names of stars whose names are synonymous with disaster.
> 
> Next up, I believe, is Hurricane Latoya.


Whew! For a moment, I thought for sure you'd be suggesting Hurricane Dubya as their next potential option!


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## Dan (Dec 30, 2002)

did the brown haired girl know who I was.

how much does a mail order bride cost.

if a west bound train, at 7 am, leaves chicago has X passengers, and a train leaving St Louis at 8 am, (going south) has Y passengers, and the square root of the mileage between the two cities is the same as the average # of passengers in both trains, and Xsquared divided by Y to the 3rd power is the same as the # of cars on each train, when will math teachers stop telling kids algerbra is important to know?


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## ABM (Dec 30, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Minstrel</b>!
> What kind of ego moves a person to create an "Ask me silly questions" thread just to get cheap attention and what kind of fools indulge him?
> 
> Oh, and a follow-up: If Einstein was correct in believing that time was simply a human construct with no true basis in reality, how can we transcend time and what would that be like? Really cold?


Personally, I'd say the answer to both questions is: It's, simply, all relative. :yes:


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## Minstrel (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>ABM</b>!
> 
> 
> Whew! For a moment, I thought for sure you'd be suggesting Hurricane Dubya as their next potential option!


That hurricane would likely spare Florida...but might be a threat to other countries.


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## Trader Ed (Jun 17, 2002)

Alright TheWanker (stump the Wanker)

Why is the sky blue? 

(actually I can tell you this)


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>ABM</b>!
> I was wondering if you were ever going to get around to answering my question, above?


Like a fine wine, all wisdom must ferment. Unlike wine, my wisdom doesn't come in a box at Walmart. 

Unfortunately for you, there was quite a nice list of fermentation ahead of yours. Now that I'm a little less, shall we say, intellectually constipated, I plan on maintaining a deep, greasy path to the center of my intellect in the interest of group enlightenment. 

Lucky you.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>el_Diablo</b>!
> what ...... is the capital of assyria?


Blue--no greeAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!


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## ABM (Dec 30, 2002)

I seriously hope to see you at that Blazer Playoff party they're putting together! Oh, and if your wife wants to show up, that fine by me too. She takes really good photographs! I haven't forgotten about her efforts at the Cucina party we had last year. :clap:


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Minstrel</b>!
> What kind of ego moves a person to create an "Ask me silly questions" thread just to get cheap attention


*sigh* What kind of intellectually dishonest person repeatedly wastes the time of one with infinite wisdom on multiple questions when he is clearly NOT ALLOWED to ask multiple questions? I shall retaliate by answering your other questions with yet more questions, thereby really gratifying nobody yet making me feel a little smug. Are you happy now? 



> and what kind of fools indulge him?


Who is really the fool--the one who knows not how to ask the foolish question of one who says he does not think a fool is a fool for he asks not that question, or the other guy? 



> Oh, and a follow-up: If Einstein was correct in believing that time was simply a human construct with no true basis in reality, how can we transcend time and what would that be like? Really cold?


to transcend time, you must give up all you have, all you know, all you hate, love, cherish and hope for. you must swallow the molding taco of enlightenment that purges you of everything to achieve a sense of complete emptiness. only then will time no longer matter. 

to my knowledge, the closest anyone has come to this is the Atlanta Hawks. why not ask them how it feels?


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

*sigh* more multiple questions. luckily Minstrel has greased the skids for you and I just don't have it in me to get that sanctimonious two posts in a row. I need more vitamin D. 



> did the brown haired girl know who I was.


well, it's time somebody finally told you, Hap. we PAID her to know who you were. 

believe me, it wasn't cheap either. 



> how much does a mail order bride cost.


surprisingly little. but it's the freight that kills you. 



> if a west bound train, at 7 am, leaves chicago has X passengers, and a train leaving St Louis at 8 am, (going south) has Y passengers, and the square root of the mileage between the two cities is the same as the average # of passengers in both trains, and Xsquared divided by Y to the 3rd power is the same as the # of cars on each train, when will math teachers stop telling kids algerbra is important to know?


just about the same time English teachers stop annoying us about our grammosity.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Trader Bob</b>!
> Alright TheWanker (stump the Wanker)
> 
> Why is the sky blue?
> ...


scientist point out that most wavelengths of incoming solar radiation reflect off the atmosphere while blue somehow manages to creep in like jealousy at a bigamist convention. 

however, some religions contend that when the planet was formed 7,000 years ago the color just happened to match God's curtains so He went with it.


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## Dan (Dec 30, 2002)

much appreciative wank.

doesn't explain why the brown haired girl is gone..

anywho, I challenge you to answer this question.

If you could be anyone in the history of the world, besides yourself and the old JC, who would you be and why?


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## Dan (Dec 30, 2002)

another question for the Wanknac the magnificant.

does me owning a 67 chevrolet pickup make me cool, or a ******* in training?


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## Trader Ed (Jun 17, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> 
> 
> scientist point out that most wavelengths of incoming solar radiation reflect off the atmosphere while blue somehow manages to creep in like jealousy at a bigamist convention.
> ...


Good answer... Close enough

and God made it a diffenret color on Mars as well. :rofl:


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## Storyteller (Dec 31, 2002)

Oh great and powerful purveyor of wisdom, here is my one question (unlike some others who seem to be asking multiple questions...I'm not accusing anyone or naming names, but....):

Why do so many people drive around with their blinkers on when they have no intention of turning or changing lanes?


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## Anima (Jun 3, 2003)

Oh great and knowledgeable Wanker, why can some people sing and others can't?


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## Dan (Dec 30, 2002)

oh great knowing and seeing, understanding and teaching, (you reach, I teach?) wonderful and brilliant, honest and stern, outstanding, upstanding and handsome leader...does sucking up ever help?


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## Minstrel (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> 
> 
> *sigh* What kind of intellectually dishonest person repeatedly wastes the time of one with infinite wisdom on multiple questions


But...



> when he is clearly NOT ALLOWED to ask multiple questions?


But...



> I shall retaliate by answering your other questions with yet more questions, thereby really gratifying nobody yet making me feel a little smug.


But...



> Are you happy now?


No. 

Okay...no more follow-up scams from me. I live in fear of being emotionally thrashed like that, again.

Just a simple question: What is the point of love, the electoral college in this day and age, and toy singing fish, and where can I find love and toy singing fish?

And do you still love me?


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## SheedSoNasty (Dec 31, 2002)

You're in a cabin in the woods... In the cabin there are several rows of seats... In the seats, there are dead people... What happened?


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## Anima (Jun 3, 2003)

Yo Wank, why does your mouth taste like warm Dr. Pepper when your sick?


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## s a b a s 11 (Dec 31, 2002)

*Epad and Wank, sitting in a tree...*



> Originally posted by <b>Epadfield</b>!
> Yo Wank, why does your mouth taste like warm Dr. Pepper when your sick?


Was there a Blazer love connection that I wasn't aware of at the most recent Bash?

Get a room.

Stuart


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## Anima (Jun 3, 2003)

*Re: Epad and Wank, sitting in a tree...*



> Originally posted by <b>s a b a s 11</b>!
> 
> Was there a Blazer love connection that I wasn't aware of at the most recent Bash?
> 
> ...


Humm... maybe, but the reason I am asking is I had the flu the last two days and the whole time my mouth tasted like warm Dr. Pepper. I wanted to vomit.

P.S. Wanna join my Sabonis fan club?


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## bruno34115 (Apr 14, 2003)

yo wanker whos that on your avatar she is :drool:


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## Minstrel (Dec 31, 2002)

*Re: Re: Epad and Wank, sitting in a tree...*



> Originally posted by <b>Epadfield</b>!
> 
> 
> Humm... maybe, but the reason I am asking is I had the flu the last two days and the whole time my mouth tasted like warm Dr. Pepper. I wanted to vomit.


The way you phrased it, "your mouth" when "you're sick," made it sound like you were referring to theWanker's mouth. 

Just an amusing sound to the question.


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## s a b a s 11 (Dec 31, 2002)

*Re: Re: Epad and Wank, sitting in a tree...*



> Originally posted by <b>Minstrel</b>!
> The way you phrased it, "your mouth" when "you're sick," made it sound like you were referring to theWanker's mouth.


(covers mouth) hee hee



> Originally posted by <b>Epadfield</b>!
> P.S. Wanna join my Sabonis fan club?


Do you really have to ask?

Stuart


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## Anima (Jun 3, 2003)

*Re: Re: Re: Epad and Wank, sitting in a tree...*



> Originally posted by <b>Minstrel</b>!
> 
> 
> The way you phrased it, "your mouth" when "you're sick," made it sound like you were referring to theWanker's mouth.
> ...


Fine, I will re-ask the qestion in a more proper way.

Mr. Wanker, why does a person's mouth have the nauseating taste of warm Dr. Pepper when they are ill?

Better?


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## Dan (Dec 30, 2002)

*Re: Re: Re: Re: Epad and Wank, sitting in a tree...*



> Originally posted by <b>Epadfield</b>!
> 
> 
> Fine, I will re-ask the qestion in a more proper way.
> ...


I take umbrage on this flat out irrational wording..

Warm Dr Pepper is not only tastey (it actually was one of the ways people preferred to drink it)..it's also DAYAM tastey.

please re-word it, or I shall have to call the authorities.


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## Anima (Jun 3, 2003)

*Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Epad and Wank, sitting in a tree...*



> Originally posted by <b>Hap</b>!
> 
> 
> I take umbrage on this flat out irrational wording..
> ...


Fine, fine. I will re-word it once again.

Mr. Wanker why does warm Dr. Pepper taste like vomit?

:devil:


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## Dan (Dec 30, 2002)

*Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Epad and Wank, sitting in a tree...*



> Originally posted by <b>Epadfield</b>!
> 
> 
> Fine, fine. I will re-word it once again.
> ...


:nonono: 

even worse! how's this:

Mr Wanker, why is it that when you are sick, and feel like you are going to vomit, you sometimes get the taste of normally pefectly fine warm dr pepper in your mouth?


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## s a b a s 11 (Dec 31, 2002)

*Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Epad and Wank, sitting in a tree...*



> Originally posted by <b>Epadfield</b>!
> 
> 
> Fine, fine. I will re-word it once again.
> ...


Let me step in and assist you, Hap's pretty defensive about his "Dr. Pepper". 

How about-

*Mr. Wanker, why does warm Mr. Pibb taste like vomit?*

Stuart


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## Dan (Dec 30, 2002)

*Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Epad and Wank, sitting in a tree...*



> Originally posted by <b>s a b a s 11</b>!
> 
> 
> Let me step in and assist you, Hap's pretty defensive about his "Dr. Pepper".
> ...



the original mr pibb, (before pibb x) tasted more like hte original dr pepper (which you can still buy out of dublin texas) than dr pepper did...

so..how about this.

"mr wanker, why does pepsi taste like vomit?"


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## s a b a s 11 (Dec 31, 2002)

*Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Epad and Wank, sitting in a tree...*



> Originally posted by <b>Hap</b>!
> the original mr pibb, (before pibb x) tasted more like hte original dr pepper (which you can still buy out of dublin texas)


Mr. Wanker, why does Hap scare me?

Stuart


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## The_Franchise (Mar 30, 2003)

> Originally posted by <b>bruno34115</b>!
> yo wanker whos that on your avatar she is :drool:


I concur. Who that is?


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## Minstrel (Dec 31, 2002)

Thanks, Hap and Stuart. You've taken an important thread and completely ruined it with your off-topic soft drink wars.

Take it to PMs.


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## trifecta (Oct 10, 2002)

Why does an entire bottle of wine provide me with the patience to read four pages of this drivel when prior to the bottle being finished I couldn't get past your avatar?


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## s a b a s 11 (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Minstrel</b>!
> Thanks, Hap and Stuart. You've taken an important thread and completely ruined it with your off-topic soft drink wars.


Oh, walk it off, Minstrel! Wank will awake in 4 hours time and bestow wisdom upon us all as he scarfs down scrambled eggs and burnt spam. It'll be like Christmas except everyone gets coal. And it doesn't matter whether you've been bad or good.

Anyways, didn't I end with a question?



> Originally posted by <b>s a b a s 11</b>!
> Mr. Wanker, why does Hap scare me?


Ahem. I think _someone_ owes _someone_ an apology.

Hey Wank, why is Minstrel all up in my business?

Stuart


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## Minstrel (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>s a b a s 11</b>!
> 
> 
> Oh, walk it off, Minstrel! Wank will awake in 4 hours time and bestow wisdom upon us all as he scarfs down scrambled eggs and burnt spam.


Oh sure...rub in the high life that Wank enjoys. We're not all so fortunate.


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## Minstrel (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>s a b a s 11</b>!
> 
> Ahem. I think _someone_ owes _someone_ an apology.


How 'bout a hug?

Come on, big guy...it's been too long.


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## s a b a s 11 (Dec 31, 2002)

*me, me, me, its always about you isn't it?*



> Originally posted by <b>Minstrel</b>!
> How 'bout a hug?
> 
> Come on, big guy...it's been too long.


Hey, don't think I won't bring my "group hug" thread back.

If Wank can bring back threads, then so can I.

Don't hate.

Stuart


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## Playmaker0017 (Feb 13, 2004)

Why do men not receive engagement Rolexes or Lexuses or something, yet men are forced (at gunpoint mind you) to dole out 6 months salary on a ring?


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Hap</b>!
> If you could be anyone in the history of the world, besides yourself and the old JC, who would you be and why?


Rush Limbaugh. other than myself, he's the only one I can think of who is absolutely certain he is correct about everything. besides, I've been meaning to pick up a drug habit.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Hap</b>!
> another question for the Wanknac the magnificant.
> 
> does me owning a 67 chevrolet pickup make me cool, or a ******* in training?


depends. 

naked chick silhouette mudflaps? cool. 

Yosemite Sam? *******.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>So Cal Blazer Fan</b>!
> Oh great and powerful purveyor of wisdom, here is my one question (unlike some others who seem to be asking multiple questions...I'm not accusing anyone or naming names, but....):


sycophantic behavior duly noted and appreciated



> Why do so many people drive around with their blinkers on when they have no intention of turning or changing lanes?


It so happens that I do it all the time, so I'm imminently qualified to answer your question. However, much like the blinker guy who refuses to turn, I won't. When you understand why I give you no answer, you will have your answer.


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## gambitnut (Jan 4, 2003)

> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> 
> 
> depends.
> ...


Who are you kidding? We all know that whatever Hap is, he defnitely isn't cool! LOL!


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Epadfield</b>!
> Oh great and knowledgeable Wanker, why can some people sing and others can't?


All people can sing. The question you should ask is why can some people listen and others can't?


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>gambitnut</b>!
> Who are you kidding? We all know that whatever Hap is, he defnitely isn't cool! LOL!


I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I think we all know Hap's flaps are rootin' and tootin', so "Back off!".


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## Dan (Dec 30, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> 
> 
> depends.
> ...


neither, however I am going to put in a CB.


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## Dan (Dec 30, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>gambitnut</b>!
> 
> 
> Who are you kidding? We all know that whatever Hap is, he defnitely isn't cool! LOL!


hey, just because you know who the brown haired girl is, and what she looks like, doesn't mean you can say I ain't cool...


well, yes it does.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Hap</b>!
> oh great knowing and seeing, understanding and teaching, (you reach, I teach?) wonderful and brilliant, honest and stern, outstanding, upstanding and handsome leader...does sucking up ever help?


me? certainly. thanks for asking.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Minstrel</b>!
> Just a simple question: What is the point of love, the electoral college in this day and age, and toy singing fish


The point is to assemble as many supporters in as many states as possible who can one day vault you to the top of the pyramid, even if it takes a lot of lying, cheating and theft to get there. 

However, it's difficult to explain how the singing fish and the electoral college fit in. 



> where can I find love and toy singing fish?


before you can find love in another, you must first become in touch with your own inner toy singing fish. look under the spleen. 



> And do you still love me?


as though you were the closest friend I'd never met or the daughter I never wanted.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>SheedSoNasty</b>!
> You're in a cabin in the woods... In the cabin there are several rows of seats... In the seats, there are dead people... What happened?


Either you're witnessing the unfortunate results of the rather ill-conceived Leprosy Land, or you are in the cabin of a wrecked ship.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Epadfield</b>!
> Yo Wank, why does your mouth taste like warm Dr. Pepper when your sick?


It's not my fault. I told you not to kiss me when I'm ill.


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## Playmaker0017 (Feb 13, 2004)

Another question:

Why do you have a picture of my future wife as your avatar?!

I don't appreciate it at all.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

*Re: Re: Epad and Wank, sitting in a tree...*



> Originally posted by <b>Epadfield</b>!
> Wanna join my Sabonis fan club?


I'm not sure. There are several other decent Lithuanian centers out there. How do I know he's the real deal?


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>bruno34115</b>!
> yo wanker whos that on your avatar she is :drool:


most decidedly NOT Damon Stoudamire.


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## ABM (Dec 30, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> 
> 
> most decidedly NOT Damon Stoudamire.


...not to mention, NOT theWanker's wife's first choice (of an avatar), either.


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## gambitnut (Jan 4, 2003)

> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> 
> 
> All people can sing. The question you should ask is why can some people listen and others can't?


Okay, why can some people listen and others can't?


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

*Re: Re: Re: Re: Epad and Wank, sitting in a tree...*



> Originally posted by <b>Epadfield</b>!
> Mr. Wanker, why does a person's mouth have the nauseating taste of warm Dr. Pepper when they are ill?


Ah, I see. sorry for covering old ground in that earlier post. I answer these as they come. 

As to your current question, the taste comes from an increase in bacteria in your stomach that release gas as they consume undigested food. Some of these fumes rise up in your throat. Essentially, more microscopic critters are flatulating in your stomach and you are exhaling it. Hope that makes you feel better.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

*Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Epad and Wank, sitting in a tree...*



> Originally posted by <b>Hap</b>!
> Mr Wanker, why is it that when you are sick, and feel like you are going to vomit, you sometimes get the taste of normally pefectly fine warm dr pepper in your mouth?


I believe the topic of this thread is "You may now ask theWanker a question," not "You may now nitpick somebody else as they ask theWanker a question, and in the process of so doing make theWanker feel a little queasy." 

I, and only I, may make petty, condescending comments on this thread designed to belittle all around me while simultaneously inducing a feeling of nausea. 

one more outburst like that, Hap, and we will have to put you in the latex body suit. lord knows I don't want to have to get the rubber ball mouthgear out.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

*Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Epad and Wank, sitting in a tree...*



> Originally posted by <b>Epadfield</b>!
> Mr. Wanker why does warm Dr. Pepper taste like vomit?


It is a lesson to all who study marketing. Never conduct a product focus group next to a Tilt-A-Whirl.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

*Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Epad and Wank, sitting in a tree...*



> Originally posted by <b>s a b a s 11</b>!
> 
> 
> *Mr. Wanker, why does warm Mr. Pibb taste like vomit?*
> ...


the folks at Mr Pibb were just trying to make a buck off of the horrible taste of Dr Pepper. 

another lesson in marketing: imitation can be the sincerest form of stupidity.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

*Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Epad and Wank, sitting in a tree...*



> Originally posted by <b>Hap</b>!
> "mr wanker, why does pepsi taste like vomit?"


it doesn't. it tastes like all that is good, wholesome and worthy of emulation in America. 

you know, like Micheal Jackson or Britney Spears.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

*Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Epad and Wank, sitting in a tree...*



> Originally posted by <b>s a b a s 11</b>!
> 
> Mr. Wanker, why does Hap scare me?


They say that we fear that which we do not understand. 

"They" are incredibly stupid. 

We fear that which gives us the heebie jeebies, and more often than not there's a pretty darned good reason.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>The Franchise</b>!
> I concur. Who that is?


Who that isn't my wife. 

When that she sees she is not happy. 

Where that couch is I sleep.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>trifecta</b>!
> Why does an entire bottle of wine provide me with the patience to read four pages of this drivel when prior to the bottle being finished I couldn't get past your avatar?


oddly enough, the more wine I drink the harder I find it to get past the avatar. words get less interesting for me with blurriness. babes never do.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>s a b a s 11</b>!
> 
> Hey Wank, why is Minstrel all up in my business?
> 
> Stuart


You need to be like, "STEP OFF, *****!!!"

And he'll be all like, "I AIN'T YO *****, YOU SKANKY HO!"

And you'll be all like, "I AIN'T NO HO YOU *****. **** YOU AND YOUR GODDAMN NECROPHILIAC BROTHER-IN-LAW!"

And he'll be all like, "DON'T YOU GO BRING UP MY BROTHER-IN-LAW, ****! SO HAPPEN HE YO DADDY!"

And then the audience will be like, "Wooooooooaaaah...."

And then you'll throw a folding chair at him while I stare into the camera and say, "We all learned something today...."


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Playmaker0017</b>!
> Why do men not receive engagement Rolexes or Lexuses or something, yet men are forced (at gunpoint mind you) to dole out 6 months salary on a ring?


I gave my wife Idaho. She gave me England. Am I really the guy to ask about grooms getting screwed over?


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## Playmaker0017 (Feb 13, 2004)

> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> 
> 
> I gave my wife Idaho. She gave me England. Am I really the guy to ask about grooms getting screwed over?


Ah, but did you not provide a ring. 

Besides, have you ever been to England?


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Playmaker0017</b>!
> 
> Why do you have a picture of my future wife as your avatar?!


You have no reason to be upset. 

There is no picture. There is no avatar. There is no you nor me. 

All is one and one is all. To be a rock and not to roll. 

It makes me wonder.


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## Playmaker0017 (Feb 13, 2004)

> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> 
> 
> You have no reason to be upset.
> ...


I feel better. Thank you.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>gambitnut</b>!
> Okay, why can some people listen and others can't?


A thousand pictures can be drawn from one word. Imagine what it takes to paint a sentence. 

Listening requires a great deal of artwork. Most of the time there just isn't enough canvas.


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>Playmaker0017</b>!
> Ah, but did you not provide a ring.


yup. spent three hundred bucks on a ring and seven thousand bucks on a two month honeymoon in England, Italy and Croatia. she's never complained much about the ring. 



> Besides, have you ever been to England?


True story: 

I met her in a hostel in Copenhagen while I was backpacking around Europe. we went to Amsterdam together, got stoned a lot, then crashed at her parents' house in Kent, England for a few weeks. I came back to Idaho, she stayed there to earn a little money. A few months later, she comes to America (Idaho) for the first time in her life for the millenium. 

Three months later, we're married in the Viva Las Vegas Wedding Chapel to keep her from being deported. Two years later we have a proper English wedding in a 14th century church in her home town in Kent. 

Happily married. It'll be five years in August since the day I met her. Where does the time go.....


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## ABM (Dec 30, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> 
> I met her in a hostel in Copenhagen...


Wow, not many of us can claim meeting our future spouses in a hostel environment. :clap:


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## s a b a s 11 (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> Where does the time go.....


Worry not, for time is nothing but energy reshuffled.

Stuart


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## s a b a s 11 (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>ABM</b>!
> Wow, not many of us can claim meeting our future spouses in a hostel environment. :clap:


BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Stuart


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## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>ABM</b>!
> 
> 
> Wow, not many of us can claim meeting our future spouses in a hostel environment. :clap:


ugh.

some jokes are so bad they're good. 
some jokes are just a hair under that. 

i'm really wavering on this one.


----------



## ABM (Dec 30, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> 
> 
> ugh.
> ...


Joke? What joke?


----------



## mook (Dec 31, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>s a b a s 11</b>!
> 
> Worry not, for time is nothing but energy reshuffled.
> 
> Stuart


damn, I can't remember ever seeing somebody quote me from an entirely different thread. especially a long one. 

major, major suck up points for Stuey!


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## TomBoerwinkle#1 (Jul 31, 2002)

Did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons? Discuss.


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## s a b a s 11 (Dec 31, 2002)

*Watching your step.*



> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> damn, I can't remember ever seeing somebody quote me from an entirely different thread. especially a long one.


I got skillz.

Stuart


----------



## Anima (Jun 3, 2003)

*Re: Re: Re: Epad and Wank, sitting in a tree...*



> Originally posted by <b>theWanker</b>!
> 
> 
> I'm not sure. There are several other decent Lithuanian centers out there. How do I know he's the real deal?


Hummm well he's like 100 and just won the Euroleague MVP.

P.S. forgive the lateness of my reply. I somehow missed a whole page in this thread


----------



## Dan (Dec 30, 2002)

> Originally posted by <b>TomBoerwinkle#1</b>!
> Did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons? Discuss.


no they didn't. since (as the story goes) they weren't born but created, they didn't need or have an umbelcoclcilciclle cord.


----------

