# Wow, this franchise is ugly



## Sham (Dec 2, 2002)

Note - this is not a thread for an outpouring of anger at how disgustingly bad the Bulls are. Use every other thread ever for that. This is for the literal sense of the word ugly.

Watching Chris Kaman tonight brought hom to me the issue of hideous looking basketball players, something which I've spent an alarming amount of my life contemplating before now. From pretty much top to bottom, this team is ugly. Take the starting 5:











OK, so that's a deliberately unflattering picture. But it's indicative of a problem here. Sometimes, Kirk looks hot. Mizzle would certainly agree. Yet sometimes, he just looks weird. I think it's a mannerisms thing. Hmmm. Anyway, we'll put Kirk on the maybe pile.

Onto Gordon:










He's not bad looking. Nothing really wrong there. And you know he's of a decent height and plenty strong enough to go out and kill bison and that for dinner. It's just that he's got some fangs on him. And his eyes are a bit googly. So again, I think the maybe pile.











That's just weird. Although Luol does look really sweet in photos sometimes.












:|












Wallace looks more normal when the hair is braided. But his knees is extremely flat, and his mouth is massive. Too massive. And he never looks happy, even when he's happy.



The bench is worse.











yaaaaaaAAAArggHHHH. :|












That's just too much hair going on there. The only way you can get away with all that hair on one Argentinian is the way Walter Herrmann does it:













Griffin's eyes protrude too much. -1. Khryapa looks like an immigrant in both the way he dresses and the way he wears his hair. Barrett's just ugly. Sweetney is butter. Malik Allen is merey normal (although that's a bonus on this squad). Tyrus is also fairly normal. Thabo is dishy. And Andriuskevicius is straight up weird.

And that's the 15 players we have to look at all the time.



It's not just the players, though. The entire franchise is ugly. It seems to permeate the entire organisation. 

The LuvaBulls are notoriously normal looking, and particularly uninspiring for cheerleaders. They might be able to wiggle, but that can only distract for so long. It's like having fancy wrapping paper on a crappy Christmas gift.

The Matadors, it's impossible to be generous about. Their only real defense is that they're SUPPOSED to be ugly. Which is th emost non-sensical idea ever.


Our announcers are as follows:







































What an uninspiring bunch.


And of course, the head coach is a chromedome. Who should draw plays on his face instead of using that board thing.












It's just ironic to me. I don't understand how a franchise led by this man can be so ugly. This man right here. This positively dreamy man. Even WITH a moustache.











Bizarre.

By the way, I have absolutely no idea why I thought this would be worth discussion.


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## King Joseus (May 26, 2003)

Excellent post, Sham.


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## BG7 (Jun 25, 2003)

Should have drafted JJ Reddick to clean it up a bit.


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## King Joseus (May 26, 2003)

Mebarak said:


> Should have drafted JJ Reddick to clean it up a bit.












This guy? No thanks!


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## Sham (Dec 2, 2002)

JJ Redick looks like every American college guy ever.

Now Bargnani is the cute one.....










Ooooh, you cheeky devil.

Not the best looking draft class, all told. Bargnani's cute, Aldridge is ugly, Morrison is hideous, Thomas is sedate, Shelden Williams is freakin' bizarre. But Brandon Roy scrubs up good at 6.

Just saying.


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## Sham (Dec 2, 2002)

Wow. John Paxson's ears are really small. I've only just noticed.

See, that's the kind of worthwhile anaylsis this thread brings.


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## narek (Jul 29, 2005)

Sham said:


> Wow. John Paxson's ears are really small. I've only just noticed.
> 
> See, that's the kind of worthwhile anaylsis this thread brings.



Generally, that jaw and those eyes tend to make you not look at his ears.


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## rwj333 (Aug 10, 2002)

mizenkay should be the only one posting in this thread kthx.


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## DaBullz (Jul 15, 2002)

You didn't mention the cheerleaders.

Here's the candidate to lead the squad next year:


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## eymang (Dec 15, 2006)

Johnny Bach cleans up nice


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## such sweet thunder (May 30, 2002)

I don't know. PJ strikes me as rather photogenic. As only one straight man can say of another straight man. Of course.


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## Sham (Dec 2, 2002)

> You didn't mention the cheerleaders.


Yes I did. I just didn't show a picture of them because I didn't want to regurgitate my dinner.


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## King Joseus (May 26, 2003)

Sham said:


> Yes I did. I just didn't show a picture of them because I didn't want to regurgitate my dinner.












What, she's not your type?

uhoh


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## eymang (Dec 15, 2006)

Actually she's not that bad compared to the others :\


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## King Joseus (May 26, 2003)

eymang said:


> Actually she's not that bad compared to the others :\


The truth of that statement (I disagree, but hey I'll run with it) makes for a very, very sad reality indeed.


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## soonerterp (Nov 13, 2005)

For the most part, I find the Bulls to be kind of average -- not really ugly, not really all that lovely either. If anything, appearance wise they're a bunch of yawny Everymen that lack the star power and charisma of some of their peers in the NBA ... and yet somehow that's part of their appeal for me.

Hinrich -- Kinda average looking until he puts on a suit, at which time he becomes ... an average looking guy in a suit. Perhaps an IT manager at some imposingly large institution.

Gordon -- Might as well be some guy sitting in the student union with a bottle of orange juice punching away on a PC laptop.

Deng -- Not a bad looking young man there, actually.

Brown -- If I didn't know he was an NBA player I'd take him for some suburban Dad type with a decade-old minivan and early-teen-aged kids who's trying desperately to be "with it" much to the embarassment of his offspring (or, "Mom! Tell Dad to quit trying to be like Usher! It's not funny, it's sad!")

Nocioni -- See Ben Gordon, only with espresso and a Macbook ('cos Macs are different, and Nocioni seems a little nuts).

Duhon -- For some strange reason I'd like to see him in an attractive sun-dress, a big floppy straw hat with a daisy in it and a blonde wig. Dunno why, just do.

Sweetney -- Looks older than he really is. More like a dowdy fellow in a boring white short sleeved cotton-poly-blend dress shirt, clip-on tie, a pocket protector and ID tag toiling as a counter jockey at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

Wallace -- Okay, well, he actually looks like an athlete. One, he's huge. Two, he's scary looking and he doesn't have any eyebrows. Of course, Mike Dunleavy Jr. doesn't have any eyebrows either and I am actually more frightened of him than I am of Ben Wallace.

Sefolosha -- Were he in another line of work, his visage would repeatedly decorate the pretty pink bedroom walls of millions of teenage girls. SEE ALSO: Portland's Sergio Rodriguez.

Khryapa -- Kind of reminds me of someone who looks really non-threatening and maybe even sweet but turns out to be a serial killer or something.

Thomas -- Also looks like an athlete, but unlike Wallace, I could see how the ladies could kind of dig him, but in my old eyes looks like just another college kid. Oh, wait, he would have been a sophomore at LSU this season, right?


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## jnrjr79 (Apr 18, 2003)

Sometimes the best threads are the weirdest ones.

I disagree on BG, though. He seems rather handsome, and is a snazzy dresser. Also, as he is a short guy, he doesn't suffer from the gangliness that other NBA players do.

The Loveabulls make me very happy that my season tix are up in the 300 level. Yikes.


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## TomBoerwinkle#1 (Jul 31, 2002)

:cowboy: :cowboy: :cowboy: :cowboy: :cowboy: :cowboy: :cowboy: :cowboy: :cowboy: :cowboy: :cowboy: :cowboy:


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## ScottMay (Jun 15, 2002)

This thread so listens to Coldplay and likes the movie "Maid in Manhattan."


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## TomBoerwinkle#1 (Jul 31, 2002)

ScottMay said:


> This thread so listens to Coldplay and likes the movie "Maid in Manhattan."


When I get home tonight I'm going to put on some sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt, don my fuzzy slippers and review this thread while plowing through a pint of Haagen-Dazs Swiss Almond Vanilla, with a Movie of the Week on the Lifetime channel playing in the background.

Later on, I may light a scented candle, make some chamomile tea and play one of those Moods of Nature native american flute CDs from Target.


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## Ron Cey (Dec 27, 2004)

I saw the title of this thread, and I thought "oh, brother - this is what 2 losses in a row brings."

Then I saw who the author was and knew it was going to be about actual physical ugliness. You, Shammy, are one of a kind. :clap: 

By the way, am I the only one who sees this:



Sham said:


>


And:


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## Sham (Dec 2, 2002)

> For some strange reason I'd like to see him in an attractive sun-dress, a big floppy straw hat with a daisy in it and a blonde wig. Dunno why, just do.



:|

Well now things are just getting weird.

He talks funny, too. His voice doesn't match his face. It's just too.....squeaky. 

Then again, it's suitably scary, so maybe they are a match after all.




> Sefolosha -- Were he in another line of work, his visage would repeatedly decorate the pretty pink bedroom walls of millions of teenage girls. SEE ALSO: Portland's Sergio Rodriguez.


That's because Western European men are profoundly sexy. You heard it here first.


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## thebullybully (Jan 26, 2005)

Is there some other franchise whose calendar you'd hang and swoon over as the months fall away?


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## TomBoerwinkle#1 (Jul 31, 2002)

thebullybully said:


> Is there some other franchise whose calendar you'd hang and swoon over as the months fall away?


Well...the auto shops used to always get those Snap On Tools calendars...


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## Sham (Dec 2, 2002)

thebullybully said:


> Is there some other franchise whose calendar you'd hang and swoon over as the months fall away?



Quite.

Portland.





































And, of course......


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## DaBabyBullz (May 26, 2006)

Sham said:


> It's just ironic to me. I don't understand how a franchise led by this man can be so ugly. This man right here. *This positively dreamy man*. Even WITH a moustache.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Are you a girl? I guess I assumed you weren't, but with those type of comments I sure hope you are.


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## Sham (Dec 2, 2002)

No, I'm not a girl. I'm a man. A straight man, if you must know. A straight man with no shame. and no "uh oh, will I look gay if I say that man is attractive?" second guessing going on.

When you look at someone, you instantly and subconsciously judge whether they are good looking or not. It's human nature. Let's nto try and disguise this. It doesn't make us gay to acknowledge this.

And I think I speak for everybody when I say that John Paxson makes parts of me tingle.


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## King Joseus (May 26, 2003)

Sham said:


> No, I'm not a girl. I'm a man. A straight man, if you must know. A straight man with no shame. and no "uh oh, will I look gay if I say that man is attractive?" second guessing going on.
> 
> When you look at someone, you instantly and subconsciously judge whether they are good looking or not. It's human nature. Let's nto try and disguise this. It doesn't make us gay to acknowledge this.
> 
> And I think I speak for everybody when I say that John Paxson makes parts of me tingle.


Agreed on all but the tingling.


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## Sham (Dec 2, 2002)

King Joseus said:


> Agreed on all but the tingling.



I'm glad to hear it, for I was serious on all but the tingling. 

He is hot though. Yet I can't believe this thread has gone so long without Tom Boerwinkle gracing us with the 'tash rookie card. It's long overdue.


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## King Joseus (May 26, 2003)

Sham said:


> I'm glad to hear it, for I was serious on all but the tingling.


Not that there's anything wrong with that...


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## DaBabyBullz (May 26, 2006)

Sham said:


> No, I'm not a girl. I'm a man. A straight man, if you must know. A straight man with no shame. and no "uh oh, will I look gay if I say that man is attractive?" second guessing going on.
> 
> When you look at someone, you instantly and subconsciously judge whether they are good looking or not. It's human nature. Let's nto try and disguise this. It doesn't make us gay to acknowledge this.
> 
> And I think I speak for everybody when I say that John Paxson makes parts of me tingle.


Ok, thanks for clearing that up lol. Of course you judge people on their looks, regardless of sex or sexual orientation, but I just was wondering when you went a bit farther with it than I would've lol. Pax is a good looking guy, but I wouldn't describe him as you did. 

As far as the current Bulls, I'd say that Thabo is the best looking, and then probably Lil Ben. Kirk's huge adam's apple kinda does him in. The rest of the team is pretty much ugly or really dorky IMO. Tyrus has a big nose, Du-chump is dorky and ugly both, you get the point lol.


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## Sham (Dec 2, 2002)

Maybe that's why Paxson traded away this guy.












He wanted all the beauty for himself.

Then again, if Paxson only wanted ugly people, Pargo would still be here. 

Then again again, his replacement in Barrett is pretty hideous.










By the way, if any Bulls players read this, especially the ones we're not being very nice to. hi. Please be assured that I don't wish ill upon on any of you. Lord knows, your lives are all vastly superior to mine, and that I'm far lesser looking.


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## DaBabyBullz (May 26, 2006)

Sham said:


> Maybe that's why Paxson traded away this guy.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I always thought that Tyson was a really good looking guy too, unlike the butt-ugly Curry.


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## DaBullz (Jul 15, 2002)

Sham said:


> By the way, if any Bulls players read this, especially the ones we're not being very nice to. hi. Please be assured that I don't wish ill upon on any of you. Lord knows, your lives are all vastly superior to mine, and that I'm far lesser looking.


Never post your address. The team might end up playing a game in England sometime and want to come looking for you.


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## soonerterp (Nov 13, 2005)

I admit I was a little hard on Duhon and Sweets, but I tried to be relatively gentle on the others.

Around the league, there really isn't anyone that gets me excited in that way. The sad thing is that I'm female.


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## JoeOtter15 (Apr 22, 2005)

weird...


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## BG7 (Jun 25, 2003)

Malik Allen- UGLY
Marty Andrews- AVERAGE
Andre Barrett- UGLY
PJ Brown- AVERAGE + TOO OLD
Luol Deng- AVERAGE + REALLY BIG WILLY
Chris Duhon- UGLY + Rat Face
Ben Gordon- Average + Good Muscles + Nice Butt
Adrian Griffin- AVERAGE
Kirk Hinrich- UGLY + Stupid Look
Viktar Khryapa- AVERAGE + SMALL WILLY
Andres Nocioni- UGLY
Thabo Sefolosha- HOT
Michael Sweetney- UGLY + FAT
Tyrus Thomas- KINDA CUTE
Ben Wallace- HOT + DRESSES UP GOOD.

Overall, Wallace, Sefolosha, and Thomas are the cream of the crop.

/thread.


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## bre9 (Jan 8, 2006)

Ben Gordon, Chris Duhon, Thabo Sefolosha, Tyrus Thomas, and Nocioni and Viktor are all good looking guys. The Bulls franchise is not ugly at all just some of the guys.


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## soonerterp (Nov 13, 2005)

Mebarak said:


> Malik Allen- UGLY
> Marty Andrews- AVERAGE
> Andre Barrett- UGLY
> PJ Brown- AVERAGE + TOO OLD
> ...



Okay ... I think with Deng and Khryapa there's a little too much information!


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## SoCalfan21 (Jul 19, 2004)

Sham said:


> Note - this is not a thread for an outpouring of anger at how disgustingly bad the Bulls are. Use every other thread ever for that. This is for the literal sense of the word ugly.
> 
> Watching Chris Kaman tonight brought hom to me the issue of hideous looking basketball players, something which I've spent an alarming amount of my life contemplating before now. From pretty much top to bottom, this team is ugly. Take the starting 5:
> 
> ...


Oh Dear.


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## King Joseus (May 26, 2003)

SoCalfan21 said:


> Oh Dear.


:laugh:

Well stated.


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## Sham (Dec 2, 2002)

bre9 said:


> Ben Gordon, *Chris Duhon*, Thabo Sefolosha, Tyrus Thomas, and Nocioni and *Viktor* are all good looking guys. The Bulls franchise is not ugly at all just some of the guys.

















































You sure about that? Really?


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## Sham (Dec 2, 2002)

> But his knees is extremely flat


Yeah, that should be "nose". Not sure how or why I typed 'knees'.


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## bre9 (Jan 8, 2006)

Sham said:


> You sure about that? Really?


Well at times both of those guys look decent.


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## soonerterp (Nov 13, 2005)

One other item worth pointing out:

Seeing that he's going to be married soon, Kirk Hinrich must apparently be doing *something* right (other than having mad bank).


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## Hodges (Apr 28, 2007)

Bump.

Sham, what do you think of the 2007 draft prospects? Specifically, if we draft Noah, would we have to trade Duhon to break even appearance-wise, or would losing Sweetney make enough room? 

BTW, this is one of my favorite threads.


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## Mr. T (Jan 29, 2004)

such sweet thunder said:


> I don't know. PJ strikes me as rather photogenic.


Reminds me of someone actually.......


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## Hodges (Apr 28, 2007)

Mr. T said:


> Reminds me of someone actually.......


I agree. From the side, his head looks funny. From the front, he looks fairly handsome.

PJ's kinda like Oppenheimer:


















Damn he looks attractive in this one. May be the pork pie hat and the cigarette, though.


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## Mr. T (Jan 29, 2004)

King Joseus said:


> What, she's not your type?
> 
> uhoh


Sheesh, that's a relief. I thought we were talking


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## Snake (Jun 10, 2007)

lol at PJ.

I love that face he makes when he doesn't like a call.
You know that one I'm talking about. That frowny face.:lol:


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## bullybullz (Jan 28, 2007)

Snake said:


> lol at PJ.
> 
> I love that face he makes when he doesn't like a call.
> You know that one I'm talking about. That frowny face.:lol:


He has a right to. It's a terrible call.


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## Hodges (Apr 28, 2007)

Snake said:


> lol at PJ.
> 
> I love that face he makes when he doesn't like a call.
> You know that one I'm talking about. That frowny face.:lol:


I'm totally 'wit you.


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## Mr. T (Jan 29, 2004)

The All-Ugly Team


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## Hodges (Apr 28, 2007)

Mr. T said:


> The All-Ugly Team


Whoa, Kirk really let himself go this offseason (all the trade-talk must have gotten to him).



Mr. T said:


> The All-Ugly Team


I'm glad that BG added more weight though. The added pounds will probably help him finish in traffic better.


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## Mr. T (Jan 29, 2004)

Hodges said:


> I'm glad that BG added more weight though. The added pounds will probably help him finish in traffic better.


Actually, this is the current Ben photo after the MJ (Michael Jackson) treatment.


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## King Joseus (May 26, 2003)

Mr. T said:


> The All-Ugly Team


No you didn't go disrepecting Dalibor by mispelling his name!

(jk)


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## WhoDaBest23 (Apr 16, 2003)

:lol: You guys are hilarious.


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## soonerterp (Nov 13, 2005)

Thanks for bringing this back alive. Needed the laughs.


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## kulaz3000 (May 3, 2006)

I must say, Noah is extremely unattractive...

One thing that id look forward to is the celebrations of both Noah and Tyrus after big defensive plays or big dunks. I think they'd injure themselves throwing their arms around and getting all worked up. They will be fun to watch together just from their energy stand point..


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## The 6ft Hurdle (Jan 25, 2003)

http://www.gatorgallery.com/albums/albun39/Image10.jpg

Ladies and gentlemen, Joakim Noah.

This thread begs the question, how many good-looking players do you need to win a championship? 

Duncan and Shaq are OK-looking fellows I guess, but has a team ever won with a noticeably ugly center? We'll truly be accomplishing something if this were to happen.


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## soonerterp (Nov 13, 2005)

I don't actually think Joakim Noah is that painful to look at.

There are significantly worse eyesores out there.


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## McBulls (Apr 28, 2005)

Sham said:


> No, I'm not a girl. I'm a man. A straight man, if you must know. A straight man with no shame. and no "uh oh, will I look gay if I say that man is attractive?" second guessing going on.
> 
> When you look at someone, you instantly and subconsciously judge whether they are good looking or not. It's human nature. Let's nto try and disguise this. It doesn't make us gay to acknowledge this.
> 
> And I think I speak for everybody when I say that John Paxson makes parts of me tingle.


In my experience straight men, gay men, gay women and straight women tend to have different standards of beauty. Gay men seem to have the toughest standards, and gay women the easiest. But my point is that what you consider ugly may very well appear opposite to straight women. For example, my wife thinks Ben Gordon is the sexiest Bull (his eyes). Loul Deng seems to evoke a more maternal response.

Anyway, I refer you to your own web page to examine the women these and other "ugly" basketball players have attracted. Not bad by any standard.


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## bullybullz (Jan 28, 2007)

Is it just me or does Joakim Noah look Native American?? Is he blood related??


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## narek (Jul 29, 2005)

bullybullz said:


> Is it just me or does Joakim Noah look Native American?? Is he blood related??


No.

His mother is Swedish, and his dad, Yannick Noah, is French and Cameroonian. Yannick's mother was a member of the French Woman's National Basketball team.


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## Sham (Dec 2, 2002)

Could definitely have had a better draft. But then again, they're replacing Barrett, PJ and Andriuscabbages, so it's an improvement. Well, except Noah.

Still, something good came of it.













You know who we need now, don't you?













Alternatively, they could just sod it and go the other way.


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## Sham (Dec 2, 2002)

Snake said:


> lol at PJ.
> 
> I love that face he makes when he doesn't like a call.
> You know that one I'm talking about. That frowny face.:lol:



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thousand-yard_stare


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## soonerterp (Nov 13, 2005)

soonerterp on 23 June 2007 said:


> I don't actually think Joakim Noah is that painful to look at.
> 
> There are significantly worse eyesores out there.


I've changed my mind after seeing his Draft Night ensemble.

I'll give him points for originality, but geez ...

And judging by the article today at chicagosports.com, he seems like a genuinely lovely person on the inside ... so looks aren't everything.


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## thebizkit69u (Feb 12, 2003)

I say we need to bring in Popeye Jones to improve the looks of the entire squad.. I mean if you were Popeye Jones teamate by Default your looks go up a notch.


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## TomBoerwinkle#1 (Jul 31, 2002)

With no offense intended to the venerated Thabo's mom, there is a new MILF in town.


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## Sham (Dec 2, 2002)

Oh dear.

And to think of what might have been.


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## The 6ft Hurdle (Jan 25, 2003)

Hmmm...come to think of it, I've seen one play basketball, and one do jokes. But never have I seen them at the same time.


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## The 6ft Hurdle (Jan 25, 2003)

Never mind. I will subtract 50 points from myself for that.


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## Snake (Jun 10, 2007)

Chapelle's got game.

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/K4OTn8sDkS8"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/K4OTn8sDkS8" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>


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## mvP to the Wee (Jul 14, 2007)

well at least we're not the heat

james posey looks like a p****
walker looks like a **** and hes so slow he had to change his name to walker
shaq is gorilla man

and doleacs a cheesecake


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## Hodges (Apr 28, 2007)

I just noticed that Noah (like me) has a beautiful coin slot between his front teeth:


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## Hodges (Apr 28, 2007)

soonerterp said:


> I don't actually think Joakim Noah is that painful to look at.
> 
> There are significantly worse eyesores out there.


He's growing on me.


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## o.iatlhawksfan (Mar 3, 2006)

:no:


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## Snake (Jun 10, 2007)

We should've traded for this guy.


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